Stating "goodbyes aren't easy" is an understatement. They are horrible, difficult, awful and foremost heart breaking… pretty much any word that's a synonym of the ones above describes it a lot more accurately than "aren't easy". It's too simple of a phrase to use on such a heavy weighted event.
It's been something I have been dreading since July then it was pushed back three times. Each time, I prepared for the worst. I mourned the situation a couple of weeks beforehand in hopes that it would not be as bad as I played it out to be. I must say after my experience of it yesterday it's much worse than the initial anxiety of losing someone you love. I look back and regret that I got caught up in the pre-leave hype and should have relaxed more then freak out the last day and onward. I feel much worse than I did earlier this week. I honestly don't know how long I will stay in this funk and how it will effect my interactions with others.
I want to say the aftermath is the worst part of this whole situation. Just realizing that someone is gone and they aren't coming back. Knowing that you are alone in this pain of the departure and this will mark your first situation in handling things on your own. For some reason, I stayed at the location where the goodbyes were said. I stayed for 30 minutes. I felt like a little girl that was waiting for her lost puppy to come home. I was hoping that maybe just maybe he would come back. I wanted that moment Zach Braff and Natalie Portman had at the end of Garden State. Things don't happen like they do in the movies. Real life is a harsh reality.
I haven't cried this much since the news of my grandpa passing. I knew that he leaving was going to happen at some point so for a while I have been attempting to accept that fate. The fact is that things are going to be different and we are going to try a little bit harder. I know after a while I will get used to it and hopefully the distance and uncertainty won't overpower us.
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